If
you're not ready to delay gratification when your are angry. To hold
your tongue, lower your voice and sometimes wait till the appropriate
time, day or even month before you can deal with an issue thoroughly....
don't get married. Immaturity is the inability to delay gratification.
Marriage is for the mature.
If you're not ready to leave
center stage and allow someone else to become your focus, your study,
your muse... don't get married. Selfish people make very bad spouses. In
marriage you don't lose yourself but your heart has to be big enough to
gain someone else. And soon, with God's blessing: little, crying,
diaper soiling, demanding little ones are coming!
If you
are not ready, to stand up and calmly deal with meddling in laws as a
united front: The opinionated sister, the insensitive uncle, the
domineering father, the manner less brother, the nosy aunt..... don't
get married. Boundaries do not exist automatically, they must be
created. A good spouse is committed to respectfully stand up for and
protect their marriage from meddling relatives. Don't abandon your
spouse to your relatives. It's betrayal.
If you are not
ready to pay bills.... don't get married. Love does not pay bills. Kenya
power will not give a waiver because your love is O so strong and your
gazes at each other, O so romantic.
If you are not ready
to let go of your opposite sex "best friends" and invest that into your
spouse. To like, to laugh, to play, to be silly and to enjoy life with
them, above anyone else... don't get married. Affairs happen because
people did not marry their best friends. Someone else holds their heart.
Someone else gets them better. Someone else inspires them more. Marry
your best friend and cultivate your friendship so that you remain best
friends.
If you are not ready to stop competing with the
Joneses.... don't get married. Let the Joneses buy their yatch when you
are still walking, and enjoy the walk. Your journeys are different. They
may have to cross the oceans but you may be going through the road
route. A boat might not do you any good on your journey. You must be
ready to pace yourselves: stop competing, stop spending your future
before you get there, stop the debt, stop trying to impress people. You
must be able to be content. To enjoy your journey without deciding your
happiness simply by measuring your progress against other people.
If
you are not ready to be an open book. To tell the whole story of your
past, deal with the memories, expose the failures and risk rejection....
don't get married. It is fraud to have someone sign off their life to
you without the full details. The past is a touchy and demanding friend.
It always shows up in the marriage. It doesn't enjoy being ignored and
the more you snob, the bolder it becomes and the more tantrums it
throws. It will mess up the "neat" and "all together lovely" image that
you are struggling to maintain.
If you are not ready to
let go of your philandering and wild oats farming.... don't get married.
Don't take somebody's son or daughter and subject them to your germs,
your indiscretions and your chips fungaz. It never ends well. It's
romanticized in the movies, it's being fronted as the only "realistic"
way to stay married and keep the fire burning. But truth be told, the
only thing that the fire will burn will be you, your spouse and your
children. That family will burn for generations in bitterness, disease,
fear, failure, hatred, broken hearts, broken dreams and conniving.
Finally,
if you are not ready to let go of the adrenalin rush of a risque life
and to settle down.... don't get married. The great Colombus [who we
were told "discovered" America, Have you ever wondered if the Native
Indians who were in it, knew that it existed :-)] had a diary that was
long sought for. People wanted to read about the wild journeys, the sea
tempest, the reckless pirates they fought, the death and the danger they
must have encountered. When it was found, there was great
disappointment. Majority of the pages simply had 5 words: "This day, we
sailed on.".
Marriage, like life in general, has many "we
sail on" days. You have to learn to find the thrill in the normal
everydayness of it. If you depend on wild romance, all night sex [ha],
romantic cruises, wild parties, compulsive moves across continents,
tempestuous fights and make up sessions to be happy, you may be
disappointed. You have to learn to thrill in gentle smiles, loving hugs,
knowing looks, cozy moments, shared chores, cute babies, everyday work,
dreaming together, praying together and simply living together. If
these things are not thrilling, exciting and satisfying, you will look
for a way out. The "boom twaff" moments are still there, but they are
normally punctuations to the usualness of living. They cannot be your
reason for getting married. They are unsustainable on an every day
basis. The one you choose must be thrilling to you even in the most
mundane of moments.
I pray this helps someone. Remember
singles, YOU HAVE THE PRIVILEGE OF CHOICE. Never let anyone pressure you
into marriage. You are either ready or you're not: You decide!. But
please don't marry somebody and then punish them to live with your
childish ways for the rest of their lives :-). A childish baby is cute
but a childish adult is extremely frustrating.
Marriage is
for the mature and in many ways, we the married, are still being
confronted with the demand to grow up day by day. If you are not ready
for that demand, don't get married!!!!
Barikiweni.
copied from PASTOR JUDY KARANJA
